Welcome, one and all, to the introductory webpage of the

Man Mage Movement!

We are more than glad to have you join our fight for justice.

Below, you will find answers to many questions you may have regarding our motives, who we really are, and more.

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"What motivated you to start this, and what is your endgoal?"

Way back when, in the days of yore, we had noticed the disappointing lack of man mage emojis on Apple-brand devices. We were shocked, appalled, enraged, infuriated, and various other synonyms for "angry".

The literal one and only.

That fury, that unbridled rage fueled the creation of Man Mage Inc., from which we will enact our plans. Our endgoal is simply what the above poster describes: to see more man mage representation on Apple-brand devices. One emoji is not enough.

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"Enact your plans? What does that mean?"

Here's a rundown.

Not too long ago, we sent an email to Apple regarding our concerns surrounding the man mage situation.

The email in question.

After sending the email, we received an automated response, acknowledging our email and promising a response "within one business day". Not one, but two business days later, we finally got a reply back. However, it was disappointing, to say the least. It was Ethel who told us that we can't send unsolicited ideas to Apple because of some policy. Upon reading said policy, I was more than annoyed to find out that not only did Apple now own the idea, but that I wouldn't be financially compensated if they ever did decide to use it.

So, we have a plan B. We'll not get too much into detail about what it really is for the sake of our own safety. It will be kept a secret until it works, or until it most likely won't.

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"Who are you really?"

We can't say much. Well, we can, but we really don't feel like it. Then again, our entire operation could be jeporadised if we give away too much information, so this'll be brief:

We're just two cool people (one of us being significantly cooler than the other in literally every way) who believe that every man mage out there deserves the right to be featured in Apple-brand products, no matter what shape or size. That is all.

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"There's no way you two alone can pull this off."

That's not a question.

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"Sorry. How are you two alone possibly going to pull this off?"

In all honesty, we most likely could pull it off on our own. In fact, I'd go out on a limb and say that, with enough valiant effort, we'd have a pretty high chance of success. However, we mustn't settle for a mere "pretty high" chance.

We need the full, 100%, no way of failing chance in order to get this done. And we're gonna need all the help we can get our hands on within legal boundaries. (We've tried crossing these boundaries before. It turns out the Prime Minister doesn't really like being kidnapped at the dead of night.)

We literally have no idea who Harry Help is, he just showed up one day and asserted himself. He's on our side, and makes a killer lasagne, though, so I'm really not complaining.

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"How can I help?"

As of right now? Simply spread the word. Make sure everyone you know is aware of our plight. That's all. We're doing our part, so try your best to do yours.

Don't talk to me or my son ever again.